Take a risk or it could never exist. I’ve always been afraid of taking risks, it’s the fear of it just not working out. Can I just say that the risk I took last night we well worth it. I intentionally meant to have a good night at this random party and just live my night away. Then I found out that two of my friends and an ex I haven’t talked to in about a year was going to the same one. Thing is, I was iffy about going cause I already felt the awkwardness. My two old friends have been upset with me for months, let alone me and that ex had cut all ties. I mean my ex didn’t worry me, it was whatever, it was more of my two friends that was bothering me. Then I was like fuck it, it’s a damn Friday night let’s just fuckin have fun and tolerate each other. So I kicked it with them and the people I came with back and forth and I had fun. I let go of all the worries. Everybody was on another level or just faded and just wanted to have fun. My ex called a truce and heyy to a brand new start of friendship on the dance floor and my friends were just having a good time. Then the party got raided. I sat in my friends car then my ex came to the drivers window and we were making plans. I watched them walk away to their car and I was like fuck it, I will never ever see them again anytime soon or again this night. It was something I needed to do in person, i needed to handle business. I got out of the car and followed them. I asked in advance for a ride home, but it wasn’t a fer sure answer but I honestly didn’t care. I was aiming for one road that night. I knew they were gunna be mad if I got in the car and I already expected hella bullshit from them, but I was ready for it. I was getting shit about my flaws one after another. In my head I was like “come at me bro”. The truth doesnlt hurt me cause it was all false accusations and assumptions. But they were also some good lectures. We dropped off my ex and he gave me a hug goodbye, I think he left me a gift, but it could also be a figment of my imagination. Then we sat in my parking lot and I told them I had to talk to them. We sat there until 3 in the morning just talking about endless things. We said our peace and sorrys, got two sides of the stories, understood each other a little bit more. And I think we got more close. It was a good conversation.

I know that things won’nt be the same as it use to be but I feel so much better. Being understood and I don’t even know. I mended back old friendships and gained a new start with my ex. It feels so damn good. I’m glad I took that risk of getting in that car with them. Like I don’t even know I feel so damn good I actually wrote a long ass post about this.